When dealing with circumstances that lead to the need to rest separately, clear communication and intentional times of connection have to be even more of a priority because you are missing out on a built-in time of shared space that a common bed allows for. Many couples are making these kinds of choices for purely practical reasons such as taking turns tending to a newborn or working opposite shifts, while for others the decision to separate at night may be a worrisome signal that things are decaying in your relationship.ĭetermining the line between “I need to sleep alone for the sake of getting better rest” and “I don’t want to be in the same space as you” can get fuzzy. Honestly, this is a hard question to answer because relationship and family circumstances vary so greatly! ![]() Is choosing to opt for a so-called “sleep divorce” bad for your marriage? Let love and open communication guide you and you can’t go wrong. On the other hand, giving each other the freedom to rest without interruption can be an amazing gift of service and love to your spouse (particularly if you have a newborn). That means if sleeping together, even if it means less than stellar sleep, can be important to showing one another love. Let these be the standards that you judge your decisions by.Īll of our decisions should be born of a desire to love one another as Christ would. It advises that we keep away from any sexual immorality, that we show each other love and respect, that we cherish one another, and that we serve each other. The Bible doesn’t offer specific instructions on things like where we should sleep when we are married but it does give us a lot of other advice for our marriages that we can draw on to help us navigate these sorts of decisions.Įphesians 5 outlines many principles that can guide us in our marriages. Sleeping arrangements are mostly a cultural construct and the ways we have chosen to sleep in our homes have changed tremendously over the years due to a necessity or cultural norms of the time. Many others report factors such as loud snoring, disagreements about lighting, temperature preferences, and other disagreements about comfortable sleeping preferences have led them to opt for separate beds and/or separate rooms.Ĭouples select to separate at night for a variety of reasons ranging from practical concerns such as opposite schedules to those who separate because they cannot agree to be in the same space together any longer. This can make sleeping at the same time in the same bed impossible. ![]() Some couples may be in a situation where they work opposite schedules. That was a gracious gift as my Momma body could not fully rest with our loud grunting little nuggets right beside me. I would take the first part of the night with the baby and then sometime in the early hours, my husband would come back upstairs to our room to take the baby downstairs to rest so I had at least 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep. When we brought each of our babies home there were times when we had to sleep separately in order to facilitate better sleep for each other. I know firsthand that there are seasons where separated sleep is necessary due to circumstances outside potential marital conflict. ![]() As recent as the 1960’s couples sleeping in separate beds or places was fairly common. While the trend is growing in popularity now, it is not a new idea. While the term sleep divorce sounds a little dramatic, the reality is that the term is just referring to a decision some couples make to sleep in separate spaces for the sake of better rest. Is sleeping in separate spaces a sign of a relational break or just a pragmatic decision for more individual comfort? Let’s explore the potential consequences of this growing trend. Why do we see a growing number of couples opting to sleep in separate beds and sometimes also opting to sleep in separate rooms? According to a 2017 survey from the National Sleep Foundation, almost one in four married couples sleep in separate beds. Sleeping apart from one another can be seen as the first step taken away from one another when your marriage is facing tension.īut sometimes, couples just have to because of their life situations. ![]() It’s a place you commit to returning to together no matter how the day went.įor many, leaving the bed to sleep elsewhere can be a sign of anger, separation, and can undermine your feeling of connectivity in your relationship. If it’s not with some conversation, it is just by being snuggled up in the same cozy space as you both drift off to sleep. It is a place where you can dependably reconnect at the end of the day. Many married American couples envision their marriage bed as a sacred space.
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